Thursday, October 27, 2005

Potty Mouth

We went to dinner last night with our friends again. Back to the awesome pizza place in Lake Placid. Now normally I wouldn't choose to eat pizza a couple nights a week BUT this place is unbelievable. And it's closing. Yup. Just the way it goes around here. Find something you really like, have it once and find out it'll be gone in a week. So we decided we just had to get our fix. Plus we really wanted the kids to have some too. And yes, we took them all with us. We've instituted a strict "no child left behind" policy of our own. The pizza was even better last night than it had been on Friday. Of course I think that's due to the fact that I could actually sit and enjoy it without the incessant ring of the cell phone. Oh and by the way...I finally listened to the voice mails my father left last week...NOT nice. And, I always knew my father had quite the vocabulary but for the love of GOD!!! Ok, so the pizza was great and everyone was stuffed when we left. Especially Dan who ate a dozen wings before having 3 slices of this deep dish pizza. Let me tell you this, one slice of this pizza is a meal in itself. Seriously. It's thick and very filling. So about half way home my son informs me that he has to use the bathroom. Right. Now. I tell him I'm going as fast as I can and that we'll be home soon. A few minutes later Dan is sweating in the back of the van and he looks quite worried. I know my son REALLY well. I know that when I offer to stop at Burger King so he can use the bathroom that he's going to poo poo (ha ha) the idea. But I also don't want him to think I'm sadistic. So I offer. Dailaesse hollers from the back that she has to poop too and can't wait until we get home. She HAS to stop at Burger King. Now I'm really up Shit Creek (again with the funny). Do I stop and let her go or do I keep going and get Dan home as soon as I can. If Dailaesse isn't kidding and I risk not stopping I could be looking at a big mess. If I stop and can't get Dan home in time I could be looking at an even bigger mess. Dan tells me to stop at Burger King to let Dailaesse go and if he can't make it he'll use the bathroom there. This is big for Dan. He NEVER uses public restrooms and especially not if he has to poop. He goes all day at school and then through football without going. Yes, he has huge issues with public toilets. So I whip into Burger King and pull right up to the front doors. Bran jumps out and grabs Dailaesse and heads in with her. Dan sits for a minute and asks what the hell is taking them so long and how much longer I think they'll be. He ended up going in. Bran came back out with the baby and we waited. And waited. And waited some more. He finally emerged from the front doors. His face was red. Really red. He hopped in the van and told me to hurry. What??? You were just in there for 15 minutes. Don't tell me you couldn't go. Nope. That wasn't the problem. He had to go again. We hurried home and Dan jumped from the still rolling van to run into the house.

After Dan showered last night I went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I was standing at the sink brushing my teeth when Dan came back in. He begged me not to put the left over pizza in his lunch. We laughed. He turned to leave and I noticed something odd. "Dan, are your boxers on backwards?" He looked down and flipped the waistband off his boxers over to look. Sure enough, they were. He stood there a minute and started laughing. "I did it on purpose. You know, just in case I have to go to the bathroom again really quick. The hole will be better in the back than the front. Think we could get a patent for that Mom?" That's my boy.

Leslie...congrats sweetie...your name was drawn from yesterday's entries!

14 comments:

adrienne said...

ah!!! the power of cheese!!!! and lactose-intolerance!!! what a combo.
i can totally empathize with you.

and i have decided to say i really hate a place or food i like since i have had several similar experiences of the place closing or the food becoming unavailable. i miss the fritos texas bbq chips & pringles spicy cajun!

adrienne in the bellybutton of california

Leslie said...

I did? Gee - two good things in one day - you know what the other really good thing was :)

Dan's clever - I like the way he thinks!

Cindy Lee Lee said...

I love reading your blog....and finally stuck it into my favorites so I can check it every day. Poor guy, hope he's able to avoid cheese for a while.

And I loooove the idea of a patent for backwards boxers!

Sandra Knapp said...

Poor Dan,
But having been in similar situations far too often for comofort's sake, I can easily relate! Glad he was able to avoid accidents, at least!

Sandie
http://www.stash-n-stitch.blogspot.com/

Teresa said...

I also suffer from the cheese problem. Have him eat a couple of banannas. They will help immensly!!

http://www.lileesgram.blogspot.com/

Lizardknits said...

I hope Dan's feeling better.

Mz Mar said...

geesh, I totally forget to leave comments the last few days!!
I must say at the risk of embarrassing(is that how you spell that?) my family I can totally relate to the "poop" story!! Seems every time we go out together someone needs a pit stop!!

Anonymous said...

Poor Dan! At least he kept his sense of humor.

Donna
knightdomino@yahoo.com

Sarah_Sharrett said...

Geee!! How awful to end a meal that way!! Have been there before with my kids when they were little ones and am sure will be there again with the grandkids!!
Knitting and crochet is in high gear getting ready for the holidays!! Have 2 new grand daughters this year ages 6 and 7 and another grand daughter being born in January!! Christmas is going to get here fast this year... just know it!

Knitcrazy said...

LOL..
Looks like dan is VERY Creative too :) LOL

http://pennyknits.blogspot.com/

Donna in NY said...

Loved your going out for pizza story. Sounds just like my family. What did they put in that pizza? Maybe they could market it as a remedy for constipation. I'm glad the driver kept her cool.

Donna S. said...

Been there, done that.....

Lisa D. said...

Oh, I can totally relate to needing a bathroom NOW. Irritable bowel sucks! I almost "died" at a Home Depot one time after eating fried chicken.

Donna in NY said...

Just stopped back to see if the family has recovered from pizza night!

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